#METOO

Before I get into the subject of this blog I feel I need to let anyone reading know that I am simply sharing to empower others to do the same, to start conversations that need to be had. I am lucky to have had a wonderful family and psychiatrist who made me realise that you cannot control other people’s actions and ultimately the choices they make. It is not my fault, I couldn’t have known, but now I can stand in solidarity with my fellow sisters and misters, we can and we will stop this horrendous and totally unacceptable behaviour!

To start from my earliest memory of inappropriate behaviour towards me from a male much older I would need to go back to being about 7 or 8 years old.

If I shut my eyes I can be instantly transported back to that exact moment, I remember the room, the voices and the smells vividly. I remember exactly what I was wearing because for years after I hated those clothes, they were a reminder of what had happened. I remember his hand sliding up my leg, then my inner thigh to my private parts as I just stood there motionless, frozen to the spot as he touched me. I couldn’t move or make a sound and then as if nothing had happened he left and I didn’t dare tell a soul until a few years later.

I also remember being slightly older although not by much and being held in a room against my will unable to escap for what felt like an eternity! Both boys were older than me and were exerting their power or some bullshit in an attempt to make them feel good. Every time I tried to leave they would grab me and talk me down, nothing sexual just physically and mentally making me feel less worthy.

Fast forward to being a strong-minded 19-year-old and working in a pub evenings and weekends to save up money to go travelling. It was pretty late on one night and as I walked to the loo I felt uneasy, like I wasnt alone. When I turned round a guy had followed me into the toilets and figured he would try his chances whilst blocking the entrance! It didn’t get too heavy and I managed to get away but he followed me home, thankfully I had asked someone to walk me as I felt scared. He stood in the bus stop opposite my house calling me to come outside and talk to him for such a long time I thought he would never leave!

Why didnt I wake my Dad up or my two brothers to go and tell him to piss off before he got a good hiding?! I think I knew it was something that as a women you become aware of and I didnt want to cause any trouble or for anyone to think i was being a drama queen!

Since the hashtag metoo I have been plagued by so many incidents of men using their status, power or physical strength to intimidate, abuse or verbally assault me I have lost count!

But for all the times I have been pressed up against a wall in a nightclub by some stinky older man thinking ‘no’ meant ‘yes’ , whistled at, shouted at, and touched up, I have also been shown respect, equality, kindness, caring, protection and safety. For every pervert, paedo, and fella who thought he would try his luck I am blessed to be surrounded by men who know right from wrong, yes from no and what it means to show their mothers, daughters, sisters and wives to expect nothing less.

When I was younger i thought having girls would be the worst thing in the world, because as a girl myself i knew they would always have to be on guard 24/7. Turns out having girls is such a gift and I get to raise them with a man who not only respects and loves their mother but will always be their biggest role model of what a gentleman should be.

For that I must thank his mother for doing such a great job!